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Who's sick idea was it to replace the pizza sauce with barbeque sauce? Is that some kind of joke? |
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So this dude who's replacing me at work sits right next to me. He's doing my job for cheap shit pay except he's like old, and married. The worst fucking thing is whenever he gets a call from someone, usually his wife, he answers with the following phrase:
"Whaaat's Shaaakin?"
I wish I could make certain people spontaneously combust.
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You know what I'm talking about. Those songs that are all about all the shit you'll always remember until the day you die. I had to deal with that freakin "I Will Remember You" by Sarah Mcglaughlin. Gah. Everytime that song came on for the last 4 months of high school everyone would hug and cry and I wanted to suffocate all of them in a big jar of mustard. |
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"WE JUST SHOWED EVERY SINGLE BAD PERSONALITY TRAIT OF YOURS AND NOW WE JUST JUMPED OUT TO TELL YOU YOU'RE ON SPY TV!!!@@!@! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH@H!HH!H@H!H WE RULE! NOW SIGN THIS WAIVER SO WE SHOW HOW DUMB YOU ARE ON TV!!!#!@@"
Stupid fucking show.
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Arguing over what's more punk and less punk and real punk and mainstream punk and pop punk and grandma punk is gay. And using the word "gay" to make fun of something queer is punk. Because it's homophobic, which is punk. Am I punk? I don't shave my legs, but I did nair them once. That's punk. Hey and avocados are on sale for $1.19 a pound at VONS. That is sooo punk.
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The other day I went and paid $9.25 to watch Final Fantasy and 10 minutes into the movie I fell asleep. I slept through most of it until a loud explosion woke me up. I HATE WHEN I DO THAT. Fuckin' ten dollar naps in loud theaters are killin me. |
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Attention Hot Girls:
*ahem*
I am RIGHT HERE! Want a dork for a boyfriend? Come and get me.
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There is a girl in my Web Design 1 class that I'd like to hit over the head repeatedly with a tire iron. She has to ask the same questions over and over and over and even the international students who don't speak english are thinking "It's a fuckin image tag you dumb bitch." Gah. |
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This used to be my drink of choice until I found out that people are dying from the mixture. I used to get a jittery feeling and some chest pains. Shit, I could've died from that stupid mix. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. |
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HAHAHAHAHAHHAH!
OK, so I didn't have something for this spot. SUE ME. |
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I've never had one of these, but I had a friend who did. It would always bleed, so he wrapped it in Duct Tape and just kept it like that for a few months. Sure it didn't bleed or leak any puss, but he had to have an operation when he finally took the tape off. The picture looks bad enough anyway. |
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I don't wear briefs for the same reason as not wearing swimming trunks. I hate having my junk being contained tightly against my body. This netting gets all up in your business while you're trying to swim, and when you get home from the beach it's full of sand. That's why I wear board shorts to the beach. |
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One time I was about to buy some clear gel deodorant when this dude who I knew started telling me this story about how he used that clear gel before playing volleyball. When he was done playing, he took off his shirt and the deodorant mixed with sweat created sticky clumps of gel that hurt when he pulled them out of his armpit hairs. I never ended up buying this shit.
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Three questions:
1.] Who is this fuckin kid?
2.] Who said he should read news on MTV?
3.] What the hell kind of name is Gideon Yago? |
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I call them that because Tek, that dude from the Real World, was the one who popularized these. Now everyone, including my Cuban grandma has a pair.
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Usually a stupid pop-culture catch-phrase takes a few months to get annoying and played out. Not this lady's catch-phrases. It took less than an hour for these to get old. That's because the lady repeats them every five minutes throughout one agonizing episode of this show. |
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Why can't I go anywhere in this city without having o be pestered by some crackhead. I've been spit at, had people take shits in front of me, and been just plain annoyed by them. Go overdose or something. |
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Mandingo thinks he's some wine connoisseur, and although it does help him be suave with the ladies, he buys some of the cheapest wine I've ever drank. Shit tasted like 3 year old vinegar. It also made me puke in my own bed.
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I know it's part of the job requirements but c'mon. Yeah, I just spent all day making fake bills, and being the hardened counterfeiter I am, I came to Rite-Aid to buy Frosted Mini Wheats and some Mac & Cheese. So the lady behind the counter better make sure that 20 is real because who knows what country I might take over next. |
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