|
|
That
Frayed Skin Stuff Behind Your Fingernails |
These
fucking things suck so bad. They come out of nowhere, and
they're just extra skin. But this is where they get you.
Try to get rid of them by pulling on them, and they'll take
more skin with them, leaving a raw area of skin or even
a cut. What the fuck.
|
|
Slow
Rock |
"Won't
you take me hiiiiiiggghhhhheerrr, cuz inside I'm ugy like
yoooouuu and I'm trryyiinngg too squeezzee outt a larrgee
turrrddd." Man this fucking music sucks. They all sound
constipated, and every damn song sounds like the last one,
except they just add more deep grunting. That Creed dude
is the biggest tool of all. Look at him.
Metallica sucks too. [That one's for Raffi.]
|
|
Taliban
of Afghanistan |
These
guys definitely suck. They're the people in power right
now in Afghanistan and they're basically making it a living
hell for everyone there. They drive around in the backs
of pickup trucks and search houses and destroy any television
sets, radios, cassettes, and photographs. Now if that doesn't
suck enough they also cut off people's hands and feet for
violationg codes of conduct, as seen in the picture. They
have closed all civil institutions and women basically have
no rights at all. They hold public executions in stadiums
where they just shoot woman after woman with AK-47's. Yeah,
that sucks.
|
|
Dial
Up Connections |
The
year is 2001. Two thousand and one folks. Get DSL.
|
|
Little
Rat Dogs |
Stupid
little dogs. Annoying little fufu dogs that are either hyperactive
or loud, and are always at risk of getting stepped on. Why
not have a rat for a pet. What's even worse is the people
who own these dogs and make webpages
and talk on them "wike dis about der wittle doggies."
Ugh.
|
|
The
Widget Cartoon |
No
one liked this stupid cartoon. It sucked. If you ask anyone
what their favorite cartoons were they'd say, "He-Man",
"G.I. Joe", "Transformers", "Ninja
Turtles", maybe even the occasional "Flinstones".
But no one likes Widget. No one.
|
|
People
Who Nag |
Fuck
off.
|
|
When
They Make a Sequel and a Different Actor Plays the Same Part |
Case
in point, Teen Wolf. Great fucking movie. Why ruin it and
make another one? Right, they shouldn't. Michael J. Fox
didn't think so. But the studios did anyway, and they did
it without him. So they replace him with the Joe's Apartment
guy and fuck it all up. And of all things they named it
"Teen Wolf TOO". How clever.
|
|
Eddie
Murphy |
Eddie
Murphy sucks ass. He hasn't been in a decent movie in so
long. Vampire in Brooklyn, Nutty Proffessor, Bowfinger,
Dr. Dolittle, Holy Man, Life, Metro, Nutty Proffessor 2,
Dr. Dolittle 2, and Pluto Nash. That's six steady years
of shitty movies and still counting. He's definitely washed
up.
This picture says it all, "I'm a jackoff."
|
|
Cold
Weather |
I
know it's gonna sound like I'm bitching because I live in
California and it's not even that cold and some people live
in the snow and blah blah blah. Well, I come from sunny
Southern Cal, none of this Northern California actual winter
stuff. San Francisco is getting nippily. I wish I could
just wear shorts all the time, but I'd freeze my nuts off.
|
|
Limp
Dicklint's Lead Singer Fred Durst |
This
guy is a virus. He's everywhere. He was driving a Rolls
in a Lil Bow Wow video. What the hell is going on. I'm pretty
sure everyone's aware that he blows. "My way or the
highwaaay." Now there's a genius lyric if I ever heard
one. As my co-worker put it, "Fred Durst must've bought
a book of cliches for $8.99 and used it to make three albums."
"It's limp."
|
|
Homeless
People Who Don't Make an Effort to Get Your Change |
Last
night a homeless guy walked up to us and said "I'm
trying to buy me a Cadillac, but I'll settle for the gas
money for a Volkswagon." Now that was funny. We gave
him a quarter. But then you get these guys who come up and
have nothing funny or interesting to say and just want change.
Now I know they're hungry, and that's why they're not funny.
If you're hungry, you're thinking about how you're hungry,
and it's hard to think of something clever to say to get
some change. But it's hard when I got so many homeless people
to choose from, and just a little bit of change. The funny
ones always prevail.
|
|
Scientologists
and the Movies They Make |
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I'm fully aware this was an easy target but it had to be
said.
|
|
Finding
Bones or Cartilage in Your Food |
Eating
should be a care-free task. Nothing to think about except
how what you're eating tastes. So nothing fucks that up
worse than eating some food and biting into a chunk of something
that shouldn't be there. You gotta look through your mouth
and find that chunk of shit and it's already ruined your
meal. The rest of the time you're looking at every bite
just in case soemthing else landed in there. Don't get me
started on veins in hot dogs.
|
|
The
Guy Who Hosts Extreme Police Videos on FOX |
Shit,
I enjoy a good police chase like the next guy, but this
fucker ruins everything. His name is John Bunnell and he's
the "witty" host with all the "clever"
puns. They'll get into some cool video of a high speed chase
involving a drug dealer and everything's going great up
until this schmuck chimes in with something like, "This
drug pusher pushed his luck when he pushed the limits and
pushed the cops over the limit while pushing the pedal down
hard and pushing pushy push push." All of that shit
said in a scratchy, annoying voice. Yeah, he sucks.
|
|
Nelly |
I
never thought it was possible to plug two of your own songs
in one three word sentence but Nelly proved me wrong. I
saw him on TV and he all he did was look at the camera and
said, "Country grammar style, E.I." Amazing.
|
|
Crack
Whores |
Crack
whores suck, literally. OK, that was cheap. Anyway, I once
saw something on 20/20 about a crack whore living in San
Francisco. Her average day was sleeping for a couple hours,
waking up and "shooting enough heroin or smoking enough
crack to be able to stand the smells of a stranger's genitals,
then turning enough tricks to get more crack." Man
that must suck.
|
|
Ravers |
I
know everyone hates ravers but I had to add them. They populate
a lot of art school here in SF. They sit on the bus with
their terrible house music playing loud enough for everyone
to hear and say things like "Oaktown back up in dis
biatch." I'd like to choke them with their colorful
pacifiers and shove glow sticks in their eyesockets. It's
fun to call them E-Tards.
|
|
Street
Preachers |
I
am not a religious person and I don't have a problem with
people believing whatever they want, but as soon as you
invade my personal space and try to preach your thoughts
on me, then you can suck a dick. Especially if you try to
impose your idealogies on me while I'm eating a pizza downtown.
|
|
Police
in Safe Towns |
If
you've ever lived in a town with a low crime rate then you
know that cops with nothing to do suck. As soon as something
moderately important happens they're all there just standing
around. I once saw at least 40 cops at one sobreity check
stop at about 2AM. Nothing better to do then sit around
and act important. Schmucks.
|
|
Chunks
of Bleu Cheese |
I'm
totally down for some Bob's Big Boy bleu cheese dressing,
but fuck the lumps of real bleu cheese in there. That shit
ain't right.
|
|
Email
Forwards |
Email
forwards are gay shit. No one's gonna get 1000 bucks from
Microsoft or save a little girl with cancer so cut the bullshit.
|
|
Gay
Sex |
Enough
said.
|
|
Stepping
in Gum |
Stepping
in gum sucks because if you can't get it out you feel all
fucked up when you walk, and if you pull it out you're no
doubt touchin someone's saliva covered gum.
I'm fully aware that is a shitty picture to represent the
subject, but it's the only gum related pic I could find.
|
|
Morning |
Waking
up in the morning sucks so much ass. I love my snooze button.
It is my friend. It brings me extra sleep and in exchange
I touch it softly every once in a while.
|
|
Not
Enough Sleep |
This
goes along with the last thing but it sucks all on its own.
Having not enough sleep is fucked. You have to go through
the rest of the day with this shitty, half-agitated feeling
and you can't get rid of the morning breath no matter how
much you brush. Unfortunately, I'm always up late so it's
my fault. Ah well.
|
|
Forced
Kindess |
Ever
gone to Ross or a department store like K-Mart where the
people who work there just don't give a fuck anymore. But
their register computer screen tells them to say "Hi"
and say "Thank You" even though they don't care.
And then they do it really half-assed and look pissed about
it. Fuck that shit man, I'd rather they didn't do shit at
all. I know what working a shit job is like, and I had to
do the forced kindess. Fuck that.
|
|
Running
out of toilet paper |
You're
taking a shit and you realize you don't have anything to
wipe with. Then you do that "keep my ass over the toilet
while I search cupboards for something paper-like" deal
and eventually you gotta tell someone to get some from the
other bathroom and put it outside your door. Then you gotta
half squat and open the door and hope no one sees your shit
covered ass bending down to pick it up. Worst part is I
never remember to always look for the paper to be there
first.
|
|
Burning
your tongue |
It's such a fucked up feeling when you drink something that's
too hot and then top of your tongue gets all burnt and hurts
and nothing tastes good for the rest of the day. Plus the
fucked up feeling sticks around for a long time.
|
|
Puking
after drinking |
Drinking
a lot is great. Hugging a toilet for a couple hours sucks.
I've gotten good at holding my liquor, but I used to puke
up a storm. Man that sucked. I still remember the time I
puked all over my boxer shorts at a hotel and had no change
of clothes. What a lovely situation.
|
|
|